Reflections of an uncluttered and peaceful mind

I forgot where I left off and I’m too lazy to go go back and look but what I have to say right now is this.  I have been reflecting back to the last two years the last couple of days and what I see is how peaceful I’ve become because of my therapist, Tara Brach and the work I’ve done towards peacefulness.

I’ve had to eliminated some chronic stressors, which included people……accepting that they are never going to be good for me ….. Be the way I want them to be…..and that was tough…..really tough….and I was like kicking and screaming …….but I did it…..and I’m better off.  as I told my therapist, I am not the same grasping frantic individual who showed up on her doorstep 2 years ago.

I also had to face a huge uncertainty that I have been avoiding and was terrified about….and what I found out is that I am not in trouble after all .  Infact, the people at the other end, who directly affect the outcome  are not going to ride my ass…..they are going to help me.  Wow.

That’s good karma and I’ve earned it.

And that’s the thing thing… just gotta be a good person in this world….and good stuff will come back you.

Anyway, as I reflect back here……my cat……Chica baby girl is laying in bed w me …..completely comfortable…….eyes closed…..napping…..waiting patiently for me to finish typing….she’s a love bug.  Giggle.  And I can hear the fish tank in the other room……bubbling away…….and there are no other sounds.  How completely peaceful is that?

I’m not worried about anything nor do I have to be anywhere.  Although I’m going over Gerry’s later, when he wakes up.  He just got a new job……I’m thinking of making him Reuben’s on the couch……and since I did not see him on valentines day ……I’m bringing him some chocolate I bought for him.

The reason I started to write today is because I have been spending more time focusing on my business.  I’m putting some more advertising up……and it occurred to me that I’m able to do this because my mind is no longer cluttered w the chronic stressors.  It’s like they magically disappeared and I can’t imagine spending 5 more minutes of my time worried about them or trying to manage them.

My therapist said it’s better to manage from the inside and not the outside…….and she’s right about that.

So am I lonely.  Right now I don’t feel lonely….I think I’m a curious enough person to keep myself constructively amused.  I’m sure I am lonely from time to time but it’s not overwhelming.   I have my cat, my fish, books, movies, my business, my plants and my love of cooking.  And of course not so local friends to chat w and actually a couple local people whose company I genuinely enjoy.

I think I just described a full time job consisting of things I like to do!

So the message is … I’m starting to Tangibly reap the rewards of ridding my life of the chronic stressors that I have control over.  And I am immensely thankful to both my therapist and Tara Brach…..


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